1-Laying on top of my bed, on a giant pile of clothes, sobbing as I have systematically tried on every single Sunday outfit in my closet. Convinced I am fat. My clothes fit but just look horrible and poochy. Think rolls. Its not cute. The maternity clothes hang.
2-Having a ridiculously strong craving for a banana split. A real banana split. As I moan about this to my family, Ellery and Callista become quite confused and giddy at the same time. Is this really their mother speaking? Could she really want to eat that "sugar-filled, junk?" It was me. Or some alien form of me. And yes I wanted one badly. I didn't get one. Not for philosophical reasons. If it was there I would have eaten the entire thing. We couldn't think of anywhere that would have the gourmet type I was craving. I finally lost energy and fell asleep.
3-Sending Brent to Harmons for Wild Smoked Alaskan Salmon at 11 pm. My mostly vegan diet has suffered. I seem to be craving and caving to everything I should probably avoid. Let me qualify that, fish and a little dairy, and occasional sugar. But still I want to be so much more pure. I am not. I have not eaten a steak. For the record. But don't put anything past me.
4-Laying in my bed at 7:30, trying to keep my eyes open to read my scriptures.
5-Arranging my hair in whatever ways I can to hide the horrible breakouts. And ready to fly off the handle if Brent tells me I just need to wash my face better.
6-Staring at my shadow from the street lamps in the morning...it is almost like I can see my hips expanding.
7-Trying extremely hard not to be offended by all my wonderful friends who tell me I look great and can't even tell a difference? So have I always looked fat to you, is what I feel tempted to say.
8-Being awoken by Ellery...uh mom I just finished this math paper...wow how long was I asleep?
9-Staring longingly at my cut-out, unfinished Christmas dresses, wondering when will be the day I can function at a normal energy level past 7 pm.
10-Wondering how long I can make the thanksgiving rolls in my freezer last so that I don't have to make bread. I don't have the energy.
11-Feeling like each run is numbered. Not wanting to resign myself to videos. Praying the cramps and braxton-hicks will start a little later this time.
12-Staring at my children, thinking again, even though I know it happens, how could I love another child as much as I do these? How could I have a baby as sweet and cute as these angels?
13-Watching my dear friends newborn and feeling so complete nuzzling that little one, knowing I can welcome another child with open heart.
5 comments:
I hope the cramps and BH start later too. It's much too soon to lose you! As for the meat/banana split/sugar cravings: call me any time. I'm really hungry right now. PS: You do look FANTASTIC.
Rebecca - I still check your blog every once in a while, congratulations on your pregnancy! I have to confess, I found myself wondering during my pregnancy, "what does Rebecca eat when she's pregnant?" I went from only serving meat a couple times a week and making almost everything from scratch, to wanting meat every day and even buying WHITE bread at the store one time. It just looked really good that night! It's incredible what pregnancy will do to you! Hang in there! You'll do great.
It's amazing at what our little babies inside our tummies do to us, taking all the energy away and ruining our bodies. I honestly am just now getting back to what I used to be and now is probably the time to start trying for number two. I want to add to everyone else, you look fantastic and I'd hope you would share your secret to looking that great after each of your babies...I need in on this! :)(
This is the hardest I have laughed in a while! You are so funny!
Ugh, I'm glad it's you and not me. :) But you are so blessed to be able to welcome another sweet baby into your family soon! I'm sorry if I offended you at the wedding... You just look really good for being pregnant! It's not your normal you, but you still look great, especially in hot new boots. :)
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