The Golden Key

Berkeley's Room in Nursery B, The Feeder, Grower Nursery

We are getting closer, I hope. She does seem to be waking up a little more. It is possible she is finally feeling hunger cues. Yesterday my dad suggested a name change "Aurora." She is a princess and a sleeping beauty at that.

In an effort to get her home, we are now supplementing her with a bottle to finish off her feedings, if she will take it. She is still getting breastmilk and they assure me she won't become a bottle addict. I just dread thinking of nursing, pumping, sterilizing, feeding...more than I feel equipped to handle. Hopefully once she is home she won't need the bottle. She just putters out after a few feedings. I will be at the hospital at least the next two nights. Here is a picture of the girls coming to visit us in my room. They bought the little dolls you see with their own money in the gift shop.

They have little rooms for breastfeeding moms, and for "rooming in," (spending the night with your child if they are coming home on oxygen). They gave me the "golden key" three nights ago, and I won't relinquish it.

Yesterday my sister came down with her family to see little Berkeley. After she and I held her for a couple hours, it was time to leave. I walked out, kissed her, and left her. My sister commented on how she couldn't believe I had to just leave her there. Leave my baby in the care of strangers with no one to snuggle with, hold and smell... I began feeling horrid inside. What has become of me, how I just can walk away and it feels normal now. It wasn't a good feeling. I started to break down and think about my first 3 weeks with my other children, how much I am missing, how much she is missing. I am ready for this to be over.